Tag Archives: tim noakes

Will the real Tim Noakes please stand up…

In the babbling Babel of the social-media era, sharing a name with someone famous can be a bit of a drag. Consider the harassed Twitter life of a carb-loving journalist called Tim Noakes – or the daily trials of Michael Jackson, a … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

We’ll defend Noakes with our dairy rears

Dear Diary  Re: No ifs but a lot of butts The minister in charge of water and sanitation Nomvula Mokonyane said Cabinet ministers will use their buttocks to defend President Jacob Zuma. I decided I’d write a story to see … Continue reading

Posted in Diary of a Bumbling Hack | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Food fight in parliament, ice bucket challenge and the not-so-lucky lucky red jacket

Dear Diary It was my first day at work. I was so nervous. I went over the 4Ws and an H (what, when, where, why and how) that I was taught at journ school. I was settling down at a desk when … Continue reading

Posted in Diary of a Bumbling Hack | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Banting gets a kneading in Plum Pudding pun-off

“Feeling a bit light-headed?” Dave asked and then doubled over in fits of laughter. It had been a disaster. I had attached a mount to my helmet for a light and we had headed off for an early morning bike … Continue reading

Posted in Angry Utterances (10) | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Big Bro Noakes is watching how you roll, okes

Welcome to our re-breaducation camp, designed by me, Tim Noakes – the high priest of high fat. The aim of these camps is to reprogramme people who have failed to embrace Noakesism. It’s not your fault you’ve swallowed the mielie-mouthed … Continue reading

Posted in Angry Utterances (10) | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Long live flour power and the Anti Noakes Congress!

I’m writing this in a secret bunker on the 18th day of July 2044. I’m writing this because the truth needs to be told so that some day someone will find this and know that the world wasn’t always this … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 72 Comments

Cereal killer targets inbread carbosexuals

“D-d-dad,” says the boy. His eyes shift from his shoes to his father, back to his shoes. “D-d-dad,” he says. The boy’s father has his nose in a newspaper and is stumped by a crossword clue: Racy hot bread turns … Continue reading

Posted in Angry Utterances (10) | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments