Category Archives: Tour Virgin (2009) and Cycle-hology (2010)

Columns I wrote in 2009 and 2010 in the run up to the Cape Argus Pick n Pay Argus Cycle Tours.

Can I measure up? Can I suffer? Can I do the Epic?

They cross the finish line, pump the air with their fists and hug everyone in sight. The Absa Cape Epic finishers have pushed their bodies to the limits – and survived.  On 17 March, 1250 riders lined up to start … Continue reading

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My walk of shame

The cycling commute is full of challenges… most notably, the lycra-clad office walk. I can’t sleep. I’ve broken out in a fever. My heart races. My palms are damp. I wipe away the sweat moustache on my upper lip. Tomorrow … Continue reading

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Facing the day of reckoning’s naked truth

I’m a puncophobe. I don’t have an irrational fear of punks. My fear of punks is perfectly rational. But I do have a morbid fear of punctures. As the Cape Argus Pick n Pay Cycle Tour gets closer I am … Continue reading

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Key to success is for the non-goods to unite and overthrow the privileged goods

I was panicking. The race was just a few minutes away from starting and my strategy was about to fall to pieces. There are various race tactics that cyclists employ – some sprint from the front, some start slowly and … Continue reading

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The early cyclist catches the worm, or rather the bird, or more precisely, Tits

“Tits,” Field Marshal Hooligan said. I nodded. “We need more Tits.” I nodded again. I didn’t quite know what he was talking about, but it’s never a good idea to disagree with the FM. “If only we had more Tits,” … Continue reading

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Married white cyclist seeks sexy Italian body to get on top of and ride silly

She was on the other side of the room. Every single eye in the room was trained on her. I couldn’t look away. I had to meet her. I suppose I was being a bit obvious because The Shrink, who … Continue reading

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An open letter to Lance Armstrong

 Dear Lance Howzit? Eita, my bru. That’s South African for “hello ya’ll”. We were thrilled when you tweeted that you would be joining us on the start line for the Cape Argus Pick n Pay Cycle Tour. I thought I’d … Continue reading

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