Category Archives: Angry Utterances (10)

I am resigned

You’re gunning down the highway, take a corner. The car in front is stationary. Your phone rings at 3am. You’re home alone when you hear someone shuffle about in the next |door room. You hand in your resignation. Your heart … Continue reading

Posted in Angry Utterances (10) | Tagged | 1 Comment

Who pimped my CV? The Jekyll and Hyde world of Dr Jordan

In a quest to discover the truth about whether Pallo Jordan, er, doctored his CV, Angry Utterances sent the former minister some text messages. In a world exclusive we can reveal the strange case of Dr Jordan and Mr Pallo. … Continue reading

Posted in Angry Utterances (10) | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Banting gets a kneading in Plum Pudding pun-off

“Feeling a bit light-headed?” Dave asked and then doubled over in fits of laughter. It had been a disaster. I had attached a mount to my helmet for a light and we had headed off for an early morning bike … Continue reading

Posted in Angry Utterances (10) | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Big Bro Noakes is watching how you roll, okes

Welcome to our re-breaducation camp, designed by me, Tim Noakes – the high priest of high fat. The aim of these camps is to reprogramme people who have failed to embrace Noakesism. It’s not your fault you’ve swallowed the mielie-mouthed … Continue reading

Posted in Angry Utterances (10) | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A mensch is gone

It was with a Herman Caplan-sized lump in my throat that I made my way through last Thursday’s Business Day crossword. It was a puzzle Herman would not complete. Last Thursday, Herman, a close family friend and my crossword mentor, … Continue reading

Posted in Angry Utterances (10) | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take…

I put my hand inside the cupboard, which I’d packed with treasures and keepsakes, then locked when I left my parents’ home. The cupboard remained closed because I had misplaced (okay, lost) the key. Two decades later (after a locksmith … Continue reading

Posted in Angry Utterances (10) | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

State of the indigNation and the other SONAs you didn’t get to hear…

This week President Jacob Zuma delivered his State of the Nation Address but there were some alternative addresses that went unreported. Fortunately, Angry Utterances (10) was there to bring you this exclusive report. The DA’s State of the indigNation Address … Continue reading

Posted in Angry Utterances (10), Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When a boner is a mistake and other Word Cup games

“L” left the World in a Cape Times’ back-page headline on Wednesday. The headline: “Mourinho on Rooney: I think it is his Word Cup”. Imagine a Word Cup. There’d be anagrams gaoler. I mean there would be anagrams galore. Word … Continue reading

Posted in Angry Utterances (10) | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The key is opening the mystery cupboard

The cupboard door is closed. When I (eventually) moved out of my parents’ home I packed important paraphernalia I had hoarded over the years, and piled them into the cupboard in my childhood bedroom. I locked the door and put … Continue reading

Posted in Angry Utterances (10) | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment