Monthly Archives: July 2013

It takes breeding to be able to cope with bad heir days

The queen has given me the honour of typing up the press release announcing the birth of one’s great-grandson, aka the Royal Sprog. God save one’s wife, My Royal Harness. So, you unwashed working class riff-raff want all the gory … Continue reading

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Let’s get our EFFing name known and we’ll be in the pink, Floyd

Dear Floyd, I bet you’re still sleeping after the launch of the Economic Freedom Fighters. The journalist was right when she called you a lie-in bastard! With you and Kenny Kunene by my side, Floyd, we can really party. Nando’s. … Continue reading

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Dire poll position so goodbye (and no thanks to all the fish!)

Helen Zille calls an urgent meeting with Campaign Chief – her 2014 election manager. “We’re in dire trouble,” she says. Campaign Chief looks at his shoes. “You assured me we were in control, but I’ve just heard Ramatlhodi boast that … Continue reading

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Nkandla’s a perfect jail, and that’s Obama’s key point

Barack Obama, President of the United States (Potus), meets Jacob Zuma in a secret encounter to reveal the real reason for his visit to South Africa. Flotus (First Lady of the US) whispers in her husband’s ear: “Remember what the … Continue reading

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Spying on the Prez

You’re being spied on. They’re listening to your calls, monitoring your emails and scanning your Facebook status updates. They know what you’ve had for breakfast, they have pored over pictures of your cats and have analyzed the “cute things” your … Continue reading

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